Sail Away - Deep Purple

"Hi, I'm David Coverdale from Whitesnake and I invite you to shake with the 'Snake at Castle Donnington Monsters of Rock, this saturday, live on BBC Radio 1."

So said David Coverdale on a radio trailer in 1990, at the apotheosis of cock rock. But look past 'the 'Snake, look past the soft focus Pirelli calendar cheesecake of their videos, the proud shagginess of David's blonde mane and his leather 'n' lace attire...

In 1974 Coverdale had just replaced Ian Gillen as lead singer of British hard rock behemoths (Behemoth - the Hebrew word for Hippotomous, as mentioned in the book of Job xl 15-24, although since 1971 it's sole use has been for describing British hard rock groups).

Coverdale's first album as Purple front-man was the magnificent 'Burn', which, with it's psychedelic heavy soul sound and cover art depicting the 'Purple as novelty candles (rendered by artisans in a fine waxy likeness. Useful for summoning up demons, they also make n attractive focal point for the heavy metal mantlepiece), is one of the band's best records.

When he auditioned for Deep Purple, Coverdale was working as a shop assistant in a fashion boutique... the great big ponce.

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Your Time Is Gonna Come - Sandie Shaw

Francophile, Eurovision-friendly pop puppet-on-a-string reads the Beginner's Guide to Black Magic (before deciding that brass-rubbing in Catherdrals would make a better hobby), throws a copy of the TV Times out of a hotel window and covers a tune by demon-summoning rock behemoths Led Zeppelin.

Sandie Shaw facts: She didn't wear shoes. She was also married to fashion designer Jeff Banks, though given her aversion to footwear, she have been better off marrying Doctor Scholl.

Led Zeppelin facts: Led Zeppelin stole the black man's music. They did this by buying the black man's cds from HMV, converting them to mp3 then taking them back to the shop, claiming they had bought it for their Dad "who already had it", and asking whether they "could have an exchange or refund?"

More unreliable facts: Any Led Zeppelin song under five minutes long is a masterpiece. Jimmy Page's first post-Zep project was the soundtrack to Death Wish II. Any Led Zeppelin song over five minutes long is rubbish.

Before he joined the band, singer Robert Plant was in a band called Hobbstweedle, which is also a rather tasty variety of biscuit.

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Manifesto & Book News

If it's ever been on K-Tel or Ronco, it's in. If it features hand claps, cow bells, syrupy orchestration, walls of sound, wrecking crews, sha-la-las, toothy teen idols, candy-based metaphors for carnal acts or lyrics about hugging, squeezing and rocking all night long, it's in.

Valhalla, I am coming



> Martin Lampen (latest book news, contact details and other stuff)

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