Are You Single? - Aurra

US Top Sixty hitmakers Aurra roll up the sleeves on their pastel-coloured sports jackets and sashay across the dancefloor, clicking their fingers, pointing and mouthing 'Are You single?' over the pop funk nightclub noise.

"Who me? Why yes, I am, Aurra. Isn't that obvious from the fact that my fridge is empty apart from a large tub of Coleslaw and two cans of Norseman lager?".

"My intuition tells me that you're single. I'd like to mingle if you're all alone tonight" purrs Aurra chanteuse Starleana Young as she downs her Pernod and cherryade. This proposition makes me spit my mouthful of fizzy lager in exaggerated surprise, seventies sitcom style; I haven't done any 'mingling' since the old King died.

It's a 200gram Marks & Spencer luxury deli-style 'slaw with plump currants and fresh spring onions; I still haven't completely given up hope.

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China Nights (Shina No Yoru) - Dick Curless

East meets West in this culture clash Country tune from one-eyed baritone Dick Curless. It's some authentic Ying and Yang cobblers where two diametrically opposed musical traditions meet. The East bows; the angle bestowing excellent luck and auspicious fortune upon the recipient. The West tips it's hat, orders the sweet and sour prawn balls and tells that joke about the Chinaman and the 'wheely bin'.

Curless began his career as the "Tumbleweed Kid", touring with "Yodeling Slim Clark". In 1951 he was drafted and, while stationed in the Far East, appeared on the Armed Forces Network as the "Rice Paddy Ranger". When he returned to the US to resume his recording career he scored a hit with The Baron and became known as the "Baron of Country Music".

During a long career, he was also known as the "Singing Cyclops", "That one-eyed git" and the "Collector of underwhelming nicknames."

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If it's ever been on K-Tel or Ronco, it's in. If it features hand claps, cow bells, syrupy orchestration, walls of sound, wrecking crews, sha-la-las, toothy teen idols, candy-based metaphors for carnal acts or lyrics about hugging, squeezing and rocking all night long, it's in.

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