Candy Man - The Hard Times

'Candy man. I love the man. My Candy man, he gets me high', sang also-ran San Diego beat merchants The Hard Times, and we can safely say they weren't singing about the new Cadbury's Flake Dipped (a Flake with a solid chocolate coating - Save your money and buy a Twirl).

Yes kids,, they were singing about drugs. Dope, plant, mary jane, wizzle or whatever they're calling it these days, Daddy-O.

If there's one thing I hate it's soft drugs slang. It's all weed-this, joint-that, and skunk-the other. In my zero-tolerance drug slang policy, any witless, glassy-eyed dullards found dribbling these lazy phrases whilst fiddling with cigarette papers will be packed off on the Northern Line Marrakesh Express to a rehabilitation, torture and humiliation camp. First stop Camden Town. All aboard, Daddy-O.

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Hot Pastrami, Mashed Potatoes... - Bruce Johnston

Ex Surf Stomper, ex Rip Chord and, from 1964 onwards, an on-off Beach Boy, Bruce Johnston goes solo with this 'Wha'd I Say'-style sax-heavy surf tune from the rare, £250 on eBay, Surfin' Round the World album.

The full title of the track is 'Hot Pastrami, Mashed Potatoes, Come On To Rincon-Yeah!!!', which, if it had featured on the classic Charades-based TV panel game Give Us a Clue, even men's captain, grinning song and dance man and parlour game Pelé, Lionel Blair would have been hard pushed to translate it's title through the medium of mime in under 2 minutes...

...though who could forget the expression on host Michael Aspel's face when Una Stubbs managed to pull off 'All the President's Men' in under 90 seconds.

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Manifesto & Book News

If it's ever been on K-Tel or Ronco, it's in. If it features hand claps, cow bells, syrupy orchestration, walls of sound, wrecking crews, sha-la-las, toothy teen idols, candy-based metaphors for carnal acts or lyrics about hugging, squeezing and rocking all night long, it's in.

Righteous



> Martin Lampen (latest book news, contact details and other stuff)

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