Dead by X'Mas - Hanoi Rocks

This Christmas I will have a box of Terry's Carousel, a Hero Turtle, one of those mini Cadbury's Dairy Milk bar dispeners from the back of the Argos catalogue and this skewed seasonal track sung in pigeon English from Finnish glam metal rockers Hanoi Rocks.

I'll also have the Lemon Barrel, the Orange cup, the Cherry Kirsch and the Nougat Montelimar.

As I approach the Christmas season I reflect on this year's successes, failures and give thanks that I'm still able to use my one yearly Yuletide joke for at least one more year - the one about the common ground between George Best and a Turkey.

The commom ground being that they'll both be dead by Christmas.

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Here It Is Christmas - Red Sovine

It's Radio 1's Xmas with the DJs. Dave Lee Travis' artist of the year was Richard Marx. Classic songwriting etc. DLT was 'Pipesmoker of the Year 1983' so he knows a bit about awards.

Red Sovine, on the other hand, isn't having a good Christmas. It's his first since the divorce, he's on his own, eating a box of Just Brazils and watching that animated film about all dogs going to heaven starring the voice of Burt Reynolds.

This is the greatest Christmas song ever recorded. I'll be listening to this while I'm at home on my own on Christmas Eve, hearing the happy strains of a cockney knees-up in the 'Dog and Cockney' pub down the road.

Have a Happy Christmas. I really mean that.

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Manifesto & Book News

If it's ever been on K-Tel or Ronco, it's in. If it features hand claps, cow bells, syrupy orchestration, walls of sound, wrecking crews, sha-la-las, toothy teen idols, candy-based metaphors for carnal acts or lyrics about hugging, squeezing and rocking all night long, it's in.

True Grit 9:00-11.10 BBC2 Christmas Eve



> Martin Lampen (latest book news, contact details and other stuff)

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